It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
