hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
