theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
