DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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