So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I checked into jail on foursquare
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
