We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
