i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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