Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
