Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
