roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
two words: eviction party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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