OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
