I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
