I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
