Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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