Will you blow on my dice?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
