We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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