She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
