I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize