So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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