My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
3pm strippers are depressing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
