my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
