the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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