So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
