You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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