I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
