i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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