; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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