so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
