I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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