come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
