Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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