I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
