Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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