...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
