don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
