It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drunk is not a location!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
