I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
