I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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