If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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