dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
