He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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