You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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