God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm getting married
To pizza
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
