It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need to calm my uterus...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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