oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
