don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
