There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
