Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
