her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
