How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
