i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
