why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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