Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize