Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
