i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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