I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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