She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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