I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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