After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
