Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
