just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
