This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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