I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
