Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
