my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
