the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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