I want to have your abortion
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
