i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
