I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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