According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
