Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
