I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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