party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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