They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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