yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
