my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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