ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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