OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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