Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
