Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
