Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
