Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish I only lived at night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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