I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
