i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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