I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
