Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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