Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
