i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize