i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
