tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
