Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
