remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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