After last night, I could never be a politician.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
