between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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