She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
