well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
