so explain again why im purple
no
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
