I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
