They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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